What I Miss About Texas

I received an e-mail that reminds me what I miss about Texas.

Texans are very inventive (hence the term "Southern ingenuity"). This doorbell is a good example:



Texans are also articulate and unpretentious -- we know what we like and we like what we know:

Kayak Fisher Attacked by Great White Shark

In seeking a "free" (or at least relatively inexpensive) hobby to pass the days, I considered fishing. I can actually put a kayak in a creek not 100 meters from here and end up in the ocean. Kayak fishing is very popular and supposedly effective for catching red snapper. But after reading this, I may fish from the wharf.

"What happens when the roles between the fisherman and the fish are reversed?

How do we react when a great white shark is stalking us?

Does it really make any difference if the shark just wants to play, or is intent on tearing flesh from bone?

Kayak fisherman Paul Morris is one of very few anglers who knows the answers to these questions.

It is a chilling tale that leaves this writer in awe of the sheer determination of the man who prevailed.

The following shark attack incident happened in January 2005 while Paul was on a fishing expedition at Taupiri Bay in Northland, New Zealand."

Shark Attack Story -- click here

P.S. -- 6 meters is approximately 20 feet.

Spring has Sprung (by Mindy)

Clad in our shorts and t-shirts we set off to climb the mountain to the villiage for market day. The sun was shining warm on our skin and there wasn't a cloud in sight. We had to pause at the bottom of our drive for a mother duck and her seven little ducklings to cross. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. The babies were scattered all around taking their time and checking things out until they all spotted us. The mother paused for a second and they all sprinted to the other side of her and she ushered them off of the street. It is not unusual for me to have to stop and let the adult ducks cross in the mornings on my way to work. I may never get to work now if I have to wait for all these babies to get across!

Boobs on Bikes

This weekend is Erotica Expo 2006 in Auckland. As part of the advance advertising of the Expo, the Boobs on Bikes parade was held on Queen Street in downtown Auckland yesterday. There has been much hubbub in the media this week regarding whether such an event should be allowed.

In my opinion, the proponents of the Parade have taken the wrong position on why the parade should be allowed. They have been on TV and radio talking about how natural the female breast is (though not necessarily in their case); how its a women's rights issue (though pornography is not necessarily good for women); and how its a free speech issue (though, ironically, these proponents are not the most articulate speakers generally).


On the morning program yesterday, a very buxom nimphette (the one in the photo above) tried to explain how the Boobs on Bikes Parade is empowering for women and it is a women's rights issue. The interviewer smartly asked the porn star what women's rights activism she is involved in other than that related to her job as a porn star. After much stuttering and backtracking, the silicon sex kitten gave some kind of indecipherable answer about helping women in Africa. I bet she couldn't even point to Africa on a map.

The fact of the matter is that the parade is being held because it is fun and because it is good for business -- and what is good for business is good for the Auckland economy. The parade was not organized for women's rights or for free speech. To claim that it was cheapens free speech and gives undeserved credibility to this silly event. Free speech may be why the City Council can't stop the parade, but it is not why it is being held.

I am actually in favor of Boobs on Bikes -- because I like looking at boobs, because it is fun, because it is silly, because it is an interesting study in human behavior, and for other reasons -- but not because it is good for women or for freedom of speech.

News today said that the crowd yesterday was larger than for the annual Santa Parade.


Today's media coverage:

Wide-Eyed at Topless Parade

Fronting Up on Boob Street

And in pure genius -- Union Rally Meets Boobs on Bikes

Good God! I'm on fire!

Appearantly chili powder and ground chilli (yes, 2 l's) are not the same thing. The difference is heat and flavor. The former has good flavor and some heat. The latter has no flavor and immense heat. Read about the converse of my problem with Chili -- by an Aussie in America.

Although Texans pride themselves on the heat of their chili, chili con carne made with merely one tablespoon of the spice "ground chilli" available at any grocers here (without a license) yields a concoction subject to spontaneous combustion -- and, consequently, inedible. I know from experience. Please send Texas Chili Powder!

McGuiver Mindy

My sweet protective husband left the house while I was out running and very carefully locked the door. Unfortunately, he didn't hide a key for me, so I had to get a little creative :) Our door has cat door in it which, quite frankly, was MUCH too easy to get open. I tried throwing things around the door knob to get it open but that didn't work. I spied my purse about 6 feet away in a chair and was pretty sure my keys were in it. I went out and found a bamboo stick long enough to stick through the strap of my purse. I sat with my arm through the cat door as far in as I could get it, which meant having my face smashed against the outside, trying to pull my purse off until I thought my arm was going to fall. I decided I needed more torque so I went and rummaged through our recycling bend and found a milk carton. I tied it on to my stick using my earphones from my iPod. I tried several times and was about to give that up when I got my contraption tangled up in a box under the chair. I ended up pulling out a joy stick that had come in a box of "sundry" from the auction. I pulled my prize out through the cat door and decided it would be a much better hook. I tied it on, hooked my purse strap and on the second attempt pulled it off and to the door, extracted my keys and was inside the house. This ALL took less than 20 minutes (and that includes me stomping my feet at the locked door and trying every door and window of the house and then stomping my feet some more and maybe saying some things about my silly husband). Dad would have been so impressed with my ingenuity :)

It's Raining, It's Pouring

The weather forecast here consists of "Rain" and four symbols: 1. A light cloud over a sun meaning it will rain, but there will be intermittent sun 2. A light gray cloud meaning it is going to drizzle off and on all day 3. A dark grey cloud meaning it is going to drizzle all day with intermittent heavy rain 4. A black cloud meaning it is going to rain so hard all day that the drops bounce of the ground and hit you in the face.

In our back yard there is a bed of red rocks that I thought looked like a little stream should run through it. Well, it is actually part of the drainage system for this side of the mountain and is currently a rushing river. It comes off the side of the mountain behind our bedroom and drops about a foot. After a dark grey cloud or black grey cloud day it sounds like a waterfall and has actually kept us awake at night! I was laughing to Brandon about Mudslides and couldn't believe there weren't any. The next day on the news 3 houses had fallen down and 3 more were waiting to go. I thought it was on the south Island, but it was actually about 20 minutes from us--I pass the area on my way to work! Even the ducks that live on our street waddle up and look longingly into our house through the windows.

The up side of all of this rain is the rainbows. I'm still amazed by how many there are and how brightly colored they appear. The other day on my way home from work I actually saw the end of the rainbow!!! Unfortunately there was no pot of gold or leprechauns, just mud.

What did you say?

I’m writing this using the dictation software supplied with Microsoft office. So far, the results have been anything but spectacular. The transcription of this infernal machine borders on gibberish. How can one expect to have an accurate dictation if he can’t trust them what he says will be recorded in some semblance of a recognizable text question

I just reviewed the previous paragraph, and it’s not bad. There are some extra words and some used words, but overall you get point, right? I’m sure in your reviewing this, you’re encountering some problems with communication. You’re no doubt seeing that there are some strange words and wondering whether or not those are the words that I intended to write. While my writing does pull border on the strange, many of these anomalies are caused by the imagination, or at least lack of understanding, of this infernal machine.

I will admit that line on my couch and speaking into the air is a convenience that I have amassed since my days at the main man law firm. I have discovered that I’m actually a much better writer in a world that they shouldn’t versus longhand, Lori even typed, text. After having done some research as to why this is, I discovered that auditory learners ten to write better indication, whereas visual learners tend to write better in longhand.

I am trying to decide whether this “free” program that comes with Microsoft office will suffice, or whether I need to purchase dragon naturally speaking, which appears to be the industry leader in this area. So far, I am satisfied, but not ecstatic, with the results from Microsoft.

If you do a search on the Internet four windows this done and voice recognition, you will no doubt find the major disaster demonstration that occur to a couple of weeks ago. This demonstration of the new Microsoft windows vista took place at Microsoft headquarters and was recorded “live.” The software failed to recognize what the presenter was saying. It didn’t even get close. I’m having much better results from this “earlier version” of Microsoft’s voice recognition software.

Extra, Extra

I may have found a career that suits me. I have always wanted a job where my mere physical presence was enough. At one point in my legal career I had it. I could attend depositions and just listen. I wasn't really expected to ask any questions unless something unusual was said, which rarely happened. Unfortunately, one cannot make a career in the law doing this. It is reserved for associate attorneys in the first few years of practice. After that, they expect you to ask thoughtful questions.

I had contemplated a career as a parking garage attendant, but that has become automated. Also, it would require more than mere physical presence (taking money, interacting with overcharged customers, etc.), so it would not be the ideal job.

I am just home from a morning of work as a movie extra. I signed up with an agency called Background Talent that supplies extras for movies, TV, advertising, etc. I was booked for three hours this morning starting at 8:40 am. The shoot actually "wrapped" (that means shut down in the biz) at 10:35 am, but I was still paid for whole time. Of this 2 hours, I was on the scene being an extra for about 8 minutes. Perfect, all that was required was my physical presence -- nothing else.

The movie was a feature film in Chinese (so most of you won't see it). The scene was taking place in a "New York cafe," which was actually a trendy cafe on the Viaduct Harbor called Soul. Myself and 7 other extras served as cafe patrons. The real actors/esses were Chinese and I have no idea what the hell was going on in the scene.

I was sat at a table with a middle-aged woman (I guess they were thinking May-December romance) next to the real actors/esses. We had salads and wine (actually, Blackcurrant Juice). We sat there mouthing at each other for about 8 quick takes then we were done.

I spent the rest of the time journaling, visiting with my fellow extras (some real interesting folks), and getting cappicuino at the studio trailer. Because it was a Chinese production and most everyone was Chinese, there were all kinds of interesting things at the food table. Mostly just rows of styrofoam bowls of noodles (like Ramen). Those Chinese crew were slurping those noodles like crazy even at 9:00 am. The few members of the crew that were of European descent were much more interested in the espresso.

For my three hours (actually two), I will be paid $125. After the 20% agency fee, the $62 I spent on "New York" style clothes (because I had nothing); the $6 I spent on the train; and the $6 I spent at Starbuck, the job is not that profitable. I also had to pay a one-time agency fee of $100. So I am actually in the hole.

According to the other extras, there are usually several jobs a month -- sometimes several a week. All the extras at todays shoot had been at a shoot for a Visa commercial two weeks ago. They were all spectators at a rugby match. The shoot started at 11:00 pm and ended at 3:00 am. The extras were paid $350 each. They sat in the cold, but were allowed to dress warmly, hold hot water bottles (popular here), etc. so they weren't too miserable.

I will let you all know about future jobs as they come.

Life at Sea

I’ve had a bad spat of self-indulgent wrangling – asking, “Who am I? Where am I? What am I” I feel like a senility ward escapee. Fact is such questions have no answers. The best we can do is to remember that we are already who we are becoming. We are, right now, who God made us to be.

I have felt some sort of self-imposed deadline to get my shit together and conform to something that society recognizes and can give a name to – a writer, an anthropologist, a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker. This is the same battle that I have been fighting for years. The law was an honorable and admirable profession, but it felt like trying to wear someone else’s skin.

The best I can do right now, and the best I may ever be able to do, is to call myself an explorer, of myself and of the world around me. But, my default setting is still linear. I insist on trying to live life horizontally.

We are taught, or else I have learned, that life should proceed along an unbroken course; each milestone linked in chain with the one before it. “I will go to college, get a degree, get a job using said degree, get married, buy a house, have children, contribute to the company’s 401(k), get promoted, have grandchildren, retire, and die.” Note that the corporate ladder is a straight line, in theory. The great secret is that this “ideal” works for very few of us; and usually only the least interesting of us at that.

The fact that we demand adherence to this life story only serves to perpetuate misery. I have seen friends, peers, and mentors struggle with the contortion required to fit this mould. Who does it benefit? It gives a degree of certainty to the less introspective of us, but also feeds our fear of the unknown.

We all start and end the same. The in-between time is what makes it interesting. We all know people who have chosen the path of least resistance from point A to point B, from birth to death. They are not living; they are merely surviving until their inevitable demise.

Conceptualize a life judged by something other than a timeline. What about a life with the sensuous contours of New York’s Guggenheim? What would a rhombazoidal life be like? If you lived a doughnut-shaped life, would you necessarily end up overweight?

I see my life like an ocean. There are unexplored and unexplorable depths. So too are there shallows; some polluted, others pristine and peaceful. Life exists in this sea in irregular clumps, in swirling schools and, occasionally, in isolation. It has no shape, only an infinite number of directions.

It is possible to transverse this sea directly, and with ease, along its surface, but you will have missed its colors, its beauty, its many faces, and its nuances. In effect, you will have missed the point.